Love, Sex and Marriage

Numerous articles and writings talk about finding true love and success in marriage as if there was a simple formula and few points to fulfill in order to woo over the one you truly love and desire. No! It is by far more complicated. There is no real formula but a combination of grace, compatibility, and a stroke of luck.

What really is Love? Because love exists in multiple forms and has different meanings, the word on its own has been vulgarized to near meaningless. An outlook on Love defines it to be – A very intense feeling of deep affection and endearment towards someone or something. Love towards humans comes in different forms giving rise to fundamentally 4 types of love, some of which are unconditional and others not.

  1. Agape: This is an unconditional love that sees beyond the outer surface and accepts the recipient for whom he/she is, regardless of their flaws, shortcomings or faults.
  2. Philia: The philia love refers to an affectionate, warm and tender platonic love. It makes you desire friendship with someone. It’s the kind of love which livens up the Agape love.
  3. Storge: It is a kind of family and friendship love. This is the love that parents naturally feel for their children; the love that member of the family have for each other; or the love that friends feel for each other. It is unconditional.
  4. Eros: Eros is a passionate and intense love that arouses romantic feelings; it is the kind that often triggers “high” feelings in a new relationship and makes you say, “I love him/her”. It is simply an emotional and sexual love. If the person “in love” does not feel good about their relationship anymore, they will stop loving their partner.


Sex on the other hand goes far beyond the physical act. It embodies not only the physical but also the spiritual and therefore should be treated as sacred. Sex can either raise you up or bring you down depending on how you treat it and with whom it is practiced.


Through personal life experiences, I would counsel friends seeking meaningful love and sexual relationships, those with more than one girlfriend and unable to decide which of them would be the best choice. Because there is an exchange of positive and negative energy between participants, it makes sex is a powerful tool.


In other words getting in bed with the wrong person who passes on the negative energy while taking the positive from you brings about a misbalance in your life. It affects your activities, your day and even your whole week thereafter negatively. It may sound rather strange but it is worth monitoring how sex with someone can bring positive or negative changes in one’s livelihood.


A man has always symbolized the head of a home, the provider and the protector (despite the gender equality agenda nowadays). Men have been known to possess larger sex appetites in comparison to women. This makes even the most powerful men vulnerable and puts them at the forefront of sex scandals, children born out of wedlock and even multiple marriages in order to satisfy their sexual desires.


Polygamy is known to be an African way of life (and maybe Mormon), but the practice is being abandoned for various reasons:

  • Increased economic hardship and the inability to educate and care for many children and housewives
  • Proliferation of STDs which has an increased health risk in polygamous homes
  • Extensive battles and lawsuits over wealth and property following the death of the family head, if wealthy. Some of these battles begin when he is alive and are a direct or indirect cause of death.

It should be noted that the ability to micromanage a polygamous home flawlessly is a gift reserved only for a few. This I call leadership potential.


Finally, Marriage is an institution. A union that is not reserved for every couple getting into it. Just like sex, marriage should be treated with respect. Unfortunately nowadays many couples get married for the  wrong reasons – Fame, money, power, physical beauty, unanticipated pregnancies, family ties etc. Everything else but for love. These are destined for a disaster.

Not all couples getting into marriage are compatible and it takes HIS special grace to identify a lifelong partner. There are also marriages between people fundamentally not compatible but they have made it work through tolerance, love and other means. Harmony in a home translates into harmony at the workplace and other domains.

The knowledge, control and balance of love, sex and how a marriage works is one of the fundamental secrets to a happy and peaceful life. Those who sing the greatest love songs have the roughest love experiences.


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